Episode 03 - "Secrets Of The Schism"

[Beverly]

Beverly's Episode Three Confessionals

[Beverly]

I apologize for my slow start on confessionals for this episode.

The latest twist and upped my anxiety levels to a very bad level. I got diagnosed with an anxiety disorder over the summer, and finished therapy for it, but this latest twist has just made things absolutely terrible and thinking about it just worsens it. I've taken today as a bit of a "rest".

In Spies 3 when about 10 more people entered the game I virtually did the same thing (and it was after Exile 2, too). I lost complete enthusiasm and interest and of course eventually got imprisoned. I don't want to do that this time, especially being a spy, but it's definitely really hard. I've come to terms with the fact that this isn't like mafia anymore, and Beverly's character really isn't suited for this. My main worry is that I can be imprisoned, and that risk stays until one of us 4 is imprisoned, and we can't imprison them until they get us. It's just very nerve-wracking, and just terrible luck. I'm not going to give up, but I just need a complete strategy makeover. I have no idea what I'm going to do. It's like starting the whole series over again.

Last exile I survived by a string, and made fights and such, and didn't really do much strategizing; just became a distraction. I'm glad I got 3 more votes, it's consistent and it's what Beverly was made for. I just think I'm going to be imprisoned because I think getting rid of Beverly helps the spies frame people and since I've become so trusted (and randomly suspected of having a role thanks to Jeremiah) it's just not looking too good for me. I do not want to end it so early; and not like this. I can't go in Round 3 again!

Things are a mess... hopefully I can refit the pieces of this puzzle.

PS: I think the other group has 3 of Abrams, Angelica, Summer, Faizah, Adelaide, Madison and Zander (in that order).

[Beverly]

I feel so embarassed right now, thinking back to how depleted I felt after finding out that some of my plans had to be changed. I had some really bad anxiety, I'm better now, so I've got a significantly brighter outlook.

I wasn't imprisoned! YES! I was so, so worried. That means I just have to survive 2 more exiles until the next "imprisonment scare". Lloyd went, which does suck, but I guess it's framing a lot of people besides myself, so I'm not going to complain. I'm using this "DIVA out for blood" thing as a reason to try take the reigns on this vote. I want to take out Gordy, but Emma is also a possibility. If she goes, I won't have the risk of being imprisoned, and I like that. She isn't doing us any help anyways... but it is always a risk to pull that. She's a vote in our favor and a person to trust.

I found out that Adelaide apparently is sure I'm a spy (from Masaki), although you'd never know it from the way she treats me. I'm not too, too worried about that. All 4 Traditionalists are in Group 1 and a few of our friends. We've got complete control over this group. A Traditionalist will not be going home!

I've been trying to figure out who the Ortho's are. I really think Angelica and Abrams are two of the three, but Ralph is looking extremely suspicious. But then you're like... this is too obvious... but then he does something incriminating AGAIN! Notice how he didn't get any votes and how it turned on the "lurkers?". A lot of people have arroused some suspicion of mine but no one else seems to really be prominent. I think we'll whipe them out cleanly soon enough. Hell, even Candy and Faizah, my girls, are arrousing my suspicion! You just don't know..

I'm very tired and a big wind storm is hitting tomorrow! Not much to say, really. Beverly's back on top and she's happier than ever! She's back in a power position (where people who hated her are actually turning to her for opinions and thoughs) but I need to be very careful. I could still be imprisoned in a couple rounds. The risk never fades!

[Beverly]

Whew! It's been a while since I've dropped a confessional. Not sure why, I guess I've just been too into the game.

Well I'll start with what happened at the exiling. Naomi, Masaki, and myself found out that Candy had the ability to get rid of Jeremiah; so we encouraged her. Jeremiah is a great citizen. He's got the ability to persuade and sell an idea and get it done. That's not what we want. However, Jeremiah also has some information on Gordy and his role, and we've been able to prod most of it out of him. Point spies.

Candy was able to get him exiled, and of course he was a citizen. Apparently the way I acted set off Singe, when I was actually really having fun and not being spyish, but apparently when you are being spying you're trustworthy but being normal is suspicious. I don't understand that! Anywho, I've tried to work him into trusting me more, and I think he's more into investigating Naomi. Not good, but, it's not me. With Gordy I've made this little team with him and he's about to tell me about his role, I think, so I need to keep at it. He wants to investigate Naomi aswell. I've been telling Singe that I suspect Candy and to keep it a secret. I want him to think that I do trust him, and I got a good response from him. He doesn't really want to investigate me because he doesn't want me imprisoned.

I'm not sure what's going to happen at the Group 2 exiling, but I hope it's a spy. On a funny note, no one suspects Emma! EVERYONE is absolutely positive that she's a citizen. She's going to be around a long while, I can tell you that! On another random note, I'm pondering whether or not to reveal a role to keep, and act normally. We had a great talk the other day and we have a very similar strategy; appear suspicious to avoid imprisonment. It's risky, but he could be an extremely valuable ally if I decide to do this. With time, we'll see.

I decided to give my points to Hannah because she's after Summer. I think Summer could be a spy, but if she's a citizen she's going to be useful to me, but also a threat so imprisoning her won't be exactly difficult if she's revealed to be a spy or a citizen. I'm going to try get Candy, Faizah, and Angelica to give her the investigation. It spares (hopefully) Naomi and I from being found out. It also doesn't look too suspicious because I have tight bonds with all these girls, and a possible group may form.

Things have been very shaky, but with some work, I think we'll be OK. I think this second exile is going to be great and take a lot of the attention off of our group. We'll see! Only time will tell..

[Beverly]

OK! It's quite late, so I'm going to try summarize, but a lot of stuff went down tonight.

Gordy and I were talking intently about his role, the investigation, and the upcoming exile. And of course our suspicious, but that's not out of the ordinary. Anyways, he basically told me that his role involved the spies building it up for him. I've been trying very hard to see if he'll tell me, and he said he would after the investigation. I agreed that I would tell him something about me aswell. I plan on telling him that I have a role.

Now, on the topic of the investigation I convinced him that we should go after someone smart but suspicious to us. I wanted to form a "trust" group that involved him and Ralph. We decided on Angelica, who as a spy, I know is a spy. We made the plan that we would say that Naomi was a spy and get her exiled if Angelica isn't a spy. Funny thing is, Angelica is a spy, so Naomi survives the next exile. I'm just praying he keeps his word. It's very risky, but you have to take risks or else you'll be stuck in a bad spot regardless.

The plan on trying to get Adelaide exiled. She's a threat to me because she's after me, but she's also well liked. Like Jeremiah, someone who would be a great person to imprison because you'd never think you could exile them. I guess things change for the better! Now, it's risky for me to do that and Ralph may still go home, but it's worth a shot. I've got some friends on that side and Ralph has some family members. We can only hope!

So, that's about all I've got. We had a very long conversation which is worth reading (I've posted it in Spy HQ). This could be a major turning point if all works out. If it doesn't work out, things won't be much worse than they already are. So, I'll be optimistic and say it's a win-win situation!

[Beverly]

I want to apologize again for the "mopey" start, here. I was really depressed knowing I could be imprisoned again (for those who know me from past spies, you know what lengths I've gone to in order to avoid it). So, please don't take it as a poor sport. I went through a similar shock this early with Judith last season, and never recovered (and got exiled).

[Adelaide]

Wow who knew underneath all her diva independent woman attitude that Beverly was actually so anxious.

I found out that Adelaide apparently is sure I'm a spy (from Masaki), although you'd never know it from the way she treats me. I'm not too, too worried about that. All 4 Traditionalists are in Group 1 and a few of our friends. We've got complete control over this group. A Traditionalist will not be going home!

Yeah I was very 2 faced to you. Hannah picked up on my 2 facedness around episode 3 (when she said I try to please people). Sorry about that!

[Beverly]

It's OK. I just told all my friends that you were being 2-faced to me, lol.