Confessional, Round 12

[Summer]

Oh and by the way, which ever one of u it is, i am sure u are grinning from ear to ear right now....it'll be interesting to see later what kind of a role u played in the 'hannah's totally a spy' exile....

I feel sick. I haven't felt that way all game until this point. I was so wrong. How could I have been so wrong?

Is it Leon, Zander, Kip, or Damon?

Three are innocent. One is a Spy.

Time to pour over everything. Lock and load.

(My heart's not really in it right now)

[Summer]

FYI Sam: I always read the exile recaps. I've read every single one for the last 4 games. And I love them.

[Summer]

I just calculated that I've spent 134+ days playing Spies. I made it to the end in Spies 1 and 3, lasted until episode 8 out of 10 in Spies 2 (thanks to Karl!!!), and have lasted to round 12 of Spies 4. That's a third of a year that I've spent obsessing over this awesome game.

[Summer]

Third post of the hour, because 2 aren't enough.

I received a PM from Candy instructing Kip and me to work together to exile Leon, Damon, or Zander.

I know that Kip is Matt O. because he foolishly revealed it. This partnership greatly amuses me because he imprisoned me in Spies 2, I imprisoned him in Spies 3, and now we're going to work together.

I don't know much about him, but I know we both love movies. So I PMed him the following and I knew he'd get it right away:

Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

He immediately replied:

You know, Rick, I have many a friend in Casablanca, but somehow, just because you despise me, you are the only one I trust.

LOL!

[Summer]

Zander, 10/7/07: If you take a look at the other seasons, the Spies rarely have to do any work in the first week or so, because the chance of hitting one is so random and little. I think the best advice for the first exile is to follow your gut instinct, and generally the spies will be quiet and followers

Zander again: The debate over lynching inactives is always one that won't get solved. At the same time that inactives only help the spies, it's also basically a waste of an exile unless that inactive player happens to be a spy. Personally I would rather see more deserving and hard working people have a chance at the game, but it could also cost us a win if that's the road we head down.
--
Zander again: I'm honestly surprised that this is still an issue (about how to vote)... Martha is right here - Why vote for someone you don't find suspicious? It's been brought up numerous times, and it's not something that should automatically make someone a target as well...

I think people are just starting to take things they hear in passing and run with them way too much. If we don't have original thoughts or learn how to take things in stride, we're not going to win this guys. Everyone needs to open their mouth, and everyone needs to have open ears.
---
Angelica: I'm honestly still undecided as to who I am going to vote for. It will most likely be Kip, Grace, or Jeremiah. Grace and Kip are on the lurker ticket. Kip is clearly focusing on the game, but he isn't on AIM or post much. But that just might be his style. I think he's just a little out of him element perhaps. But he is giving us very little to work with intentionally, which is suspicious to me. Grace practically never posts, and whenever I see her on AIM she's almost always away. If you're going to leave your away message up all the time, why log on? Again, she's appears to be making an effort without actually doing anything. I just find it odd.
---
Exile 2: Leon: At the moment, my vote will be going to Hannah. Mainly because she is one of the suspects I have that follow the "im helping to trick you" theory.
---

Leon, October 13:
Naomi - Yes shes the one who started the whole "lets unite against a spy" thread, but isnt that just the perfect reason not to vote for her? I think that its all something just so we gain her trust just to find out later that we shouldve suspected her all along. She could EASILY manipulate the outcome of that plan since shes the one who brought it up. Plus, who wouldnt go along with it? The spies would say yes so they seemed good, and every citizen would go with it. Now its a good plan, but if anything happens to where Naomi suggests someone, and we all go for it, and they turn out to be a citizen, well Im going to watch out for it.

Jeremiah - Call it personal if you may but after I said "This is a good plan but I dont think its going to work seeing the numbers", *not an exact quote, Jeremiah went full on suspecting me. For what? For speaking whats going to happen. I think someone thats so easy to throw suspicions out there is only doing it so they aren't suspected themselves.

Naomi + Jeremiah - Now from what I knew, Naomi was going to pass the tiebreaker to a family member. This would seem logical, seeing that a family member could not vote for her if it was a tie. But she gave it to Jeremiah? Now this is what really made me think its possible for them to spies. The spies would want the tiebreaker to stay among themselves, for the obvious reason. They can...

A. Break a tie between a citizen and spy and get rid of a cit.

B. Break a tie between 2 citizens and get rid of the one who is more of a threat to the spies.

Listen to this suspicion or not, I just think that its highly possible that at least one, if not both, are spies.
----
Faizah october 14: As for tha people I do suspect...at this point, I still gotta say the quiet people who are only coming online and posting every once in a while or not at all. That would be like Kip, Grace, and Madison, Bunni (sorry girl), and SUMMER (convienient to accuse me, huh???) mainly. In a game like this it is WAY to easy to just fly under the radar, and I think thats what these people is doin. Lettin' us tear eachother apart so they don't have to start playing for a while. Then when they do come back they will have some big excuse for why they was never around.
---
Post your trusted people.
Leon: Lloyd, Zander, Adelaide, Masaki and Singe.

Keep in mind i havent gotten many conersations with a lot of people, and im only confident about 2 of those names for sure.
----
Post your trusted people.
Angelica: I'd have to say Beverly, Gordy, Hannah, Singe, and Summer. All to varying degrees.

Beverly just seems like an unlikely choice to me, and the latter four have all been seemingly open and honest in conversations with them.
---
Jeremiah: Guess what just happened. Remember what our dear CIVILIAN friend Martha said, and watch Leon.

Leon was the first person to try and poke holes in our strategy, DESPITE THE FACT that it benefits nobody but the citizens. I haven't forgotten that Leon has a word of caution, and the touch that he tried to steer us away from what I believe to be a brilliant win-win plan only makes him more suspicious in my eyes.

We need to watch what Leon says.
---
Angelica: Correctly me if I'm wrong, but wasn't Adelaide the first person to start pointing out potential flaws? I'm all for the communication of ideas and theories, we need to if we are going to work together effectively. But please make sure you have the facts straight first.
---
My say in the matter thread - Gordy's family talks about voting Martha & Zander is totally on board.
---
Leon knew Lloyd's identity
---
All of Zander's early posts have no substance or suspicions. All of them. He didn't post who he trusted, who he suspected, who he would want investigated.


Finished pages 7-10

[Summer]

I was a Spy in Spies 3 and on the day of the final exile I was hyper-anxious, panicked, and extemely paranoid. It was insane. I felt like I was going to crumble from anxiety and I couldn't remember a time in my life when I had ever felt like that. There was an hour between the voting deadline and the finale chat, and I tried lying down on the floor to calm myself because I didn't think I could make it to the nearest couch.

(On an offnote, I can't believe people with anxiety problems go through that ALL THE TIME. I couldn't take that.)

It's so different as a citizen. It's way better. There's far less paranoia involved - Or at least I think there is. The last time I played a citizen in the Spies series was a year and a half ago (damn, I can't believe it's been that long). I will probably feel things tomorrow but I won't feel them as intensely. It will be a different experience. It will be a combination of excitement, nervousness, and anticipation because I don't have to worry about being exiled and I am fairly confident I have made the right choice by casting my vote for Zander.

Right now though, I feel surprised. I came into this game determined to hide my identity because I knew it would make me an automatic target. I didn't expect to get cast either and told this to people, which actually really worked in my favor.

But what also works in my favor is the character I chose, Summer. I tried thinking of what sort of person would be the opposite of me. What single quality, if you removed it, would remove a special essence from DC? And I chose to eliminate my ego. I can't relate to Summer at all because she has no ego. This is not the same as being humble because whatever she has to offer, she's not aware that she should value it. She's easily depressed, but she doesn't have depression. She has moments of fun (stealing go-karts) and she has things she likes (poetry) but she doesn't apply these experiences to say "I am a mischevious person" or "I am a smart person". She doesn't let people push her around and she's firm in her opinions but she doesn't assign value to them - she's not like "My opinions are the right opinions".

When I talk to the other players, I get into this mindset ... It's hard to describe because I've internalized it. Maybe post-game other players who have talked to me can comment on it.

I've kept the persona because by using it, I've made it very easy to avoid imprisonment and exile. The lack of ego translates into people thinking I don't have an agenda. It's very non-threatening to Spies and Citizens. I've been actively involved in the burg and in conversations, but it's easily overlooked because there's no pride involved. My ideas are taken seriously, but if they're not "Summer's ideas" then they just become "good ideas".

(For the record, I'm very proud of my ideas.)

Unlike my experience as Bebe though when I constantly found myself thinking like Bebe throughout the day, I don't have many Summer moments. I think I'm too awesome to really have thoughts that are Summer-like.

This game has been a very different experience for me due to the way I played. But the major difference for me is it wasn't FUN this time around. I didn't bond with anyone and I don't really have any favorite conversations or moments. It was more of a personal learning experience than a game.

[Summer]

It's nice to know I'm not the only one in a serious mood tonight:

spies4Zander (1:20:47 AM): I made a big post when I got back, kinda like... I dunno it was really contemplative and deep haha. And really unrelated to the game

[Summer]

For clarification:

The game ITSELF has been fun. Two groups of dueling spies with alternating imprisonments, the mini mafia and mole game, the group activity, the critiques, the trial, the Priest twist, the crazy Fatemaker role, and of course the basic premise of mafia/Spies add up to a lot of fun.

(P.S. Thanks for everything Sam)

I'm talking about the personal experience fun. I'm very social by nature. Spies 1 was a giddy team effort, Spies 2 had Karl and his Harem of Women that made the game so much fun, and Spies 3 had Trina & my other Spies. I didn't have that this time - not because of casting but because of the way I approached character interactions.

[Maarthaa]

But what also works in my favor is the character I chose, Summer. I tried thinking of what sort of person would be the opposite of me. What single quality, if you removed it, would remove a special essence from DC? And I chose to eliminate my ego.

When I talk to the other players, I get into this mindset ... It's hard to describe because I've internalized it. Maybe post-game other players who have talked to me can comment on it.

First off, awesome confessional. One of my favourites, in fact. DC comes out with some really great ones in every Spies game and they're really worth reading.

Second off, awesome character. The whole ego-less thing worked so well, and I would never in a million years have guessed that it was you. Maybe it's my own ego talking because Summer and I thought so alike the entire way through, but she was one of my faves. That's never happened before with one of DC's characters... I didn't speak to Monica very much so never go the chance to know her, liked Adriana's sincerity a lot before she was "cleared" but then had an extreme case of Morph, and liked but was immensely frustrated with Bebe. Summer I wish I'd talked to more; it's the first time that I've got the sense that DC and I could've been allies without stamping on each others' feet all the time.

But what I REALLY want to know is, DC, will we ever see you play a guy character?

[Singe]

Actually, I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that the reason DC didn't enjoy this game as much is as the other games is because she didn't get to be herself enough. If she'd picked different parts of her real life persona to hide from us, maybe she'd have enjoyed her interactions with people more.

[Leon]

I liked talking to you in both these games, but I really thought talking to you in this game was easier (when I did), and Im not sure why. Like you said, its hard to describe, because I just felt comfortable talking to you (part of it was because I didnt really suspect you though).

I just have one little question though.

Early, early on in this game, either the first or second time I talked to you, im not sure what I said, but I mentioned I wasnt feeling too great or something, and then the first thing you said (girlfriend trouble) was spot on, im just curious..but, how did you know? Was it a lucky guess? Im just asking cause it just popped into my head.

[Zander]

I personally never really viewed Summer as a threat, I think, I just thought she was really boring. I much preferred talking to Hannah or Candy

[Martha]

zander said:

I personally never really viewed Summer as a threat, I think, I just thought she was really boring. I much preferred talking to Hannah or Candy

Haha, that reminds me of both Rodney and Karl (who, ironically enough, was played by Angelica!) It's so easy to underestimate the ones who don't force their opinions on you, isn't it?

[Zander]

leon said:

I liked talking to you in both these games, but I really thought talking to you in this game was easier (when I did), and Im not sure why. Like you said, its hard to describe, because I just felt comfortable talking to you (part of it was because I didnt really suspect you though).

I just have one little question though.

Early, early on in this game, either the first or second time I talked to you, im not sure what I said, but I mentioned I wasnt feeling too great or something, and then the first thing you said (girlfriend trouble) was spot on, im just curious..but, how did you know? Was it a lucky guess? Im just asking cause it just popped into my head.

Turn around Leon... That's not a monster in your closet....



"Hello, Leon. I want to play a game."

[Summer]

Yves - Thanks for the compliment

Will I ever play a guy character? I will admit that I've only applied with girl characters in all 4 games, so I've never even tried to be a guy in this series. I played a guy in another game series earlier this year and it was just such an awkward experience (my character name was, embarassingly enough, Chief Wanahumpum, which meant that I inevitably had to flirt with women and ask to visit their "teepees" ... LOL).

It's fun to watch others make the gender leap. I find it absolutely fascinating to watch guys turn into huge flirts or wifey-poos or BIG PERSONALITIES when they play under girl aliases. If I can find a way to make it work for me, maybe I'll give the male thing another try.


Todd - There's definitely some truth to what you said. Sometimes it's fun to be someone else (I had a blast as spies3Bebe!) - but not if that someone else is practically a robot.


Scott - Ever hear of the musical "Guys and Dolls"?

'When you spot a John waiting out in the rain,
Chances are he's insane as only a John can be for a Jane."

Maybe it wasn't so much a lucky guess as a stab at a universal truth.




Ryan - I thought Summer was boring too. But non-threatening was the point.

In your own words:

spies4Zander: Summer seems a bit wishy-washy to me. Very with the flow, active but not throwing herself too far out there. It's perfect middle-level playing and it seems to me like a smart thing to do as a spy

[Sherri]

summer said:

I was a Spy in Spies 3 and on the day of the final exile I was hyper-anxious, panicked, and extemely paranoid. It was insane. I felt like I was going to crumble from anxiety and I couldn't remember a time in my life when I had ever felt like that. There was an hour between the voting deadline and the finale chat, and I tried lying down on the floor to calm myself because I didn't think I could make it to the nearest couch.

...

I found this really interesting because it was how I felt on that "final exile". It was not about me getting Exiled, but it was the fact that if I go, we all lose. Even if it was Claire's butt on the line, I would be really paranoid on that day.

Zander obviously panicked this episode.

How about Tyson?

Maybe Spies, because of all the stress and lying, really do crumble in the last episode. Is it some kind of pattern? Or is it some natural human behavior from keeping a deep secret for so long?

Which brings me to the topic of teen gay suicide... jk

[Martha]

Oh, I was going nuts. Literally. I'm a paranoid enough personality in these things anyway, so to have to go on without Ally... not good. Seriously not good.

Chief Wanahumpum... wow.

[Lloyd]

Believe it or not, I was quite calm during the spies 3 finale. I knew we all played one hell of a game, and deserved the win, win or lose. Mind you I did start shouting like crazy when that 6th Arthur vote came up. I got in so much trouble for that.

[Zander]

I actually don't think I panicked at all, to tell you the truth. My argument with Damon had nothing to do with my spydom, and I don't think anything else was panicky so I'm slightly fascinated you got that idea.

[Zander]

To further back this up, I'll point to my Confessions of an Orthodox Spy thread, which was the most reflective, placid, and considerate I had basically been all game. I knew I was going to lose and rather than panic I began to accept it and basically forge ahead and ignore it, and just do what I would have done under any other circumstance - reflect.